Green Pass Campaign II, Session 7: Sneakers, Speakers, And Streakers

I'm moderately disappointed that no one in the party decided to charge a valley full of 100+ gnolls, orcs, and hobgoblins. That would have been the evening, right there. Maybe next time.

June 25-26, Caudex Annales, 70 AUP

Getting out of the keep ended up being trickier than anticipated. A furious mob of local merchants and their mercenaries had gathered in the lower bailey to demand the right of egress, and to insist that if they were denied it, then no one else should be granted permission to leave either. The bailiff was attempting to maintain order with small force of guards. Worse yet, the locals were not apt to be especially well-disposed to the news that the "adventuring team" who had been robbing graves and (most likely) awakening the dead were attempting to leave after having dragged away the well-liked visiting priest, Father Isembart, to the dungeons for who knows what kind of mistreatment.

After a good deal of debate over the virtues of simply lowering a rope over the walls and slipping away, the party elected to buy a large keg at the tavern and invite the mercenaries back for a free round of drinks on the house. The bailiff seemed a little relieved at the resolution of the situation, but also warned that leaving the keep during a crisis would be regarded as evidence of guilt without counter-evidence that the real conspirators had been located and eliminated. The party elected to march to the secret back-entrance into the catacombs seen by Malcom's ESP investigations. Meanwhile, Zigzinu took a horse down to the swamps to parley with the lizardmen, and slowly brought them around to the conclusion that helping the party against the cult would be a better source of tasty mammal flesh than raiding the dwindling traffic of zombie-averse caravans.

The trees, they're full of elves!

The rest of the party (along with the chapel's curate Father Hubert, replacing the injured Brother Bartimaeus) advanced to the valley entrance, where they discovered a small battle already on the verge of erupting. The local factions had drawn up into two camps, with the gnolls and orcs allied against the hobgoblins and a few goblins. Terra Daystar went on overwatch by stealthing up a tree on the ravine slope, and Dunflow and Wulfhere constructed a few simple traps. At this point the elf decided that her elevated position was ideal for launching a few sling bullets. Given the range it wasn't too surprising that they both missed, but they did attract a bit of attention from the orcs, who deployed a squad to investigate the trees in search of "hobgoblin snipers". The hobgoblins knew perfectly well that something suspicious was afoot, and sent some reluctant goblins to keep an eye on the orcs.

At this point the orcs blundered into the traps, and all hell broke loose. The hobgoblins made some effort to warn the orcs, but the orcish response only further infuriated them, and by the time the gnolls closed into melee the battle was inevitable. With the orcs support infantry partially disabled by traps, the gnolls were easily taken apart by the well-organized hobgoblins. Unfortunately, the paranoid hobgoblins had little interest in rewarding their unseen benefactors, and Terra remained helplessly treed like a squirrel by hounds.

At this point, Finkle ensorcelled Wulhere's steed into an illusory dragon, with Reed casting some fire out of its snout for good effect (and incinerating some goblins in the process). This got the attention of the hobgoblins long enough for a parley, with Wulhere presenting himself as the champion of a "hobgoblin spirit" living up the tree. Elves speak the hobgoblin tongue with sufficient fluency that Wulfhere and Terra were able to conduct a sort of strange three-way conversation, with the talking tree issuing orders to the hobgoblin chieftain to attack the cult of the horned god in the shrine. When the chieftain seemed unpersuaded by this somewhat implausible tree-given request, Wulfhere went double-or-nothing and challenged the chief to a single combat. Fortunately hobgoblins are always itching for a fight, and the chief took the bait despite his wounds. The brawl nearly cost Wulfhere his life and left the party facing three-dozen angry hobgoblins... but at the last minute the chieftain went down, and left the in control of the remaining forces of 12 spear guards, 2 crossbows, 9 hobgoblin wenches, and 3 of the chieftain's harem's most beautiful consorts (well, beautiful by hobgoblin standards, at least).

The lizards, slow as ever, arrived late in the evening, and gorged themselves on the corpses of the dead, leaving a gruesome arrangement of half-gnawed bones and viscera all over the valley. The chambers of the defeated orcs and gnolls were plundered for treasures, and the party set a hobgoblin watch over the entrance to the cult's tunnels.

The next morning, Finkle decided to down a potion of gaseous form and go exploring in the tunnels. (Note: This leaves behind all equipment and clothing, but the cursed gem's enchantment forced it to constantly follow him down the hall, dropping to the floor with an echoing clunk and then teleporting to his new position to repeat the cycle.) This being a poor substitute for invisibility, the acolytes of the shrine spotted the billowing cloudy outlines of a buck-naked gnome within the first hundred yards of the shrine's entry hall, as he tried to slip into their private chambers through a keyhole. The resulting chase had a temporary lull when he found a blocked-off tunnel full of boulders and slipped between them, discovering a long passage leading up to the barrow catacombs. Unfortunately, by this time the entire shrine was alerted and a company of four acolytes, four adepts, and an evil priest had arrayed themselves on the far side of the boulders to intercept his escape. Finkle released an phantasmal courier to race past them to the exit, announcing his discoveries to the guards outside, and then created a brief covering illusion to slip past them.

Unfortunately, the entrance had already been corked shut by the arrival of a nearly-transparent gelatinous cube, closing off any crevice of escape. Finkle raced back into a maze of tunnels in the other direction, finding a small prison cell with a rather attractive female prisoner inside (even by non-hobgoblin standards). Alas, when she turned to look it him it was obvious that she was having a bad hair day everything, being coiffed with a collection of writhing snakes, and Finkle turned from gas to stone without stopping at flesh in between. Kinda figures that the hot chick in the cult dungeon turned out to be a bakku-shan.

The cursed gem finally managed to materialize in Finkle's stone hand, triumphantly crowning his new career as an X-rated lawn ornament.

To close, here's an illuminating dramatization of the elite gnomish espionage protocols on display:

Casualties
Finkle Bagnozzle: Turned to stone by a gorgon medusa (because in D&D gorgons are actually giant metal cows with bad breath, for some odd reason)

Treasure and Experience
Coins: 50 crowns (500 gp), 139 gold, 76 electrum (38 gp), 202 silver (20 gp), 200 copper (5 gp) (=> 702 gp)
Gems/Jewelry: 2 gold chains (100 each), bloodstone gem chain (500 gp) (=> 700 gp)
Trade goods: orcish wine barrel (55 gp, weighs 4 stone), fake gold bowl (1 gp) (=> 56 gp)
Items of special interest: evil priest's plate mail, evil priest's shield, evil priest's mace, clerical scroll with two spells (hold person, silence), mysterious orc rope, curiously preserved boots

Total nonmagical treasure value: 1458 gp, less 11 gp (20% fee) to appraise jewelry
Gold per share: 138 gp

Apprehended as spies: evil priest (65 xp), 2 acolytes (20 xp)
Distracted with alcohol: guild master (5 xp), 2 guild clerks (10 xp), 4 guild guards (40 xp), jewel merchant (5 xp), 2 merchant guards (40 xp), war dog (50 xp), banker (5 xp), banker clerk (20 xp), banker mercenary (10 xp)
Killed in single combat: hobgoblin chieftain (200 xp)
Killed by one another through trickery: gnoll chieftain (50 xp), his 2 sons (70 xp), 13 gnoll guards (260 xp), 20 female gnolls (300 xp), orc chieftain (50 xp), orc bodyguard (15 xp), 11 orcs (110 xp), 1 hobgoblin consort (15 xp), 7 hobgoblin guards (105 xp), 3 goblins (15 xp)
Conscripted as lackeys: 15 hobgoblin guards (225 xp), 3 hobgoblin consorts (45 xp), 9 hobgoblin wenches (90 xp), 7 goblins (35 xp)

(Note: Lizardmen don't count as "defeated" for xp purposes, since they weren't initially hostile, but hobgoblins do.)

Total experience from treasure: 1458 xp
Total experience from kills/captures/deceptions: 1855 xp
Total experience from exploration: 0 xp
Total experience: 3313 xp
Total experience per member: 301 xp

(Note: Mort the Wardog is taking an experience half-share but not a treasure share. Father Hubert, the curate, is taking both.)