I was sleeping in my bed last night -- a place in which I expect to find myself, my wife, occasionally my daughter, and absolutely zero beetles. So was disappointed to wake up with something creepy and crawly on my back. Something really big. Something that was almost certainly trying to drag me back to its lair to feed alive to its squirming larvae.

It was this:

Here, you can see a boring beetle crawling on the finger of a 30-foot tall giant, based on my own estimate of its size. After bludgeoning it into submission in a ferocious melee, I locked it in the bathroom to await identification in the morning.

After some research using the infallible authority of the internet, I was further alarmed to discover that giant boring beetles grow up to 9 feet long, and operate with a gestalt hive mind in order to subdue adventurers and use their corpses to grow mold colonies. So I'm a little wary of going up into the attic to investigate.

Seriously, a lair of these suckers can only be eradicated by paying thousands of dollars for the local mage guild to fumigate them with Stinking Clouds. I don't want them. Someone please take them off my hands.